Alive

Morning sky - limitless air 

Floating free from my thoughts abound 

Grateful heart beats no despair 

In this presence, a deafening sound 

 

Contemplation not what always seemed 

Thoughts come and go – and I a bystander 

I, an endless energy beamed 

On a pathless unbroken meander 

 

Smile slowly spreads – reaches the sky 

Travels above sending eternal tiding 

This must be what is ‘alive’ 

Heart and awareness joined boundless riding

So Cliche'

The first cut is the deepest

And yes that may be true

But the real question should be

Who holds the knife – me or you?

 

We all want the road less traveled

So exotic and oh so new

But what to do when you get lost

No one showing you what to do?

 

They say – best friends forever

Forever through and through

But what are you suppose to do

When ‘they’ aren’t there in queue?

 

A promise made is a promise kept

No matter what may brew

But what to do when the other side

Overthrows you like a coup?

 

Don’t let failures go to your heart

A motto I always knew

But what if your heart gets broken

And failure seeps its way in to?

 

I guess I’m learning the hard way

What resolve means – a chance anew

No more ‘buts’ to dwell on and on

I’m ready to press redo

 

 

 

Self-worth

I’m seeing the forest through the trees

Stepping ever-forward despite the unease

Sick and tired of being ready to please

Without ever thinking ‘is this a disease’?

The road less taken, the path less tested

Sometimes brings hope, sometimes detested

‘Life’s about the journey’, that’s never contested

And with self-reflection, past time’s reinvested

Knowing oneself must always come first

Loving oneself until you will burst

Quenching the inner gap – filling your thirst
Why did I always see things so reversed?

Now that I’ve started – don’t want to look back

Want to remain on the right track

I’m sick of giving myself so muck unnecessary flack

For every little think that I thought I did lack

Sometimes mistakes can breed eventual success

Sometimes what’s missing, we now can address

Sometimes initial sadness can instigate progress

And sometimes what you need, you already posses



Lost

To change, to plunge – in abyss unknown

Running from past, present and some

Questing for tools to improve foreground sight

Even with direction – it might as well be night

I know what’s behind – otherwise why would I run

Wish things were different; less sadness, more fun

But alas finding solace was just not my fate

And waiting and waiting will just produce more weight

Why is my life a constant flux of change?

Why does finding self sometimes feel strange?

Why can’t my acceptance come hand-in-hand

With a certain someone as my mind clearly planned?

My heart is now broken – scattered amongst the many trees

Carried by the river, the wind and the bees

Although I run past – I just can’t collect

Which fills me with sorrow, despair and regret

I hate this dam jungle! The cause of disease

Air thick and suffocating – hope hinging on breeze

But the more that I run – the more knowledge I gain

Instead of relief – I’m faced with more pain

Now faced with a choice – leave the jungle all together

Search for greener pastures, smiling faces, better weather?

But you know the grass is always greener on the other side,

So am I giving up good for what only dreams provide?

Or am I facing facts – accepting it’s just not for me

The more that I fight it the less I feel free

The fear of unknown may be better than here

My jungle is sadness, and sadness should fear!

I should trust my Navigator, Creator and Guide

That His plans for me – my best interests reside

I still have potential – dreams to fulfill

Maybe that why He gave us free will

Whatever I decide – my entire life will be change

Accept jungle life or seek different terrain?

Oh God, oh please God, please should me the light

No matter what outcome, I pray that it’s right

Hello to 2012

2012 is going to be my year of self.  As 2011 was one of the hardest years for me, of all time, I want to use this new year to rejuvenate my spirit, calm my soul, and find my true self.  This will be a two-step process:

Step 1: Smile

I recently read a study in Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell, that science has proven that not only to emotions trigger facial expressions, but that facial expressions can trigger emotions. Apparently, by just forcing yourself to smile, even if you are not in a good mood, the act of smiling will trigger your brain to release hormones that are associated with happiness. This not only makes you feel happier, but it also helps improve health, reduce stress, and provides a whole host of other positive benefits that science is only beginning to study. So my reaction – I am going to smile, smile and smile. Even if I’m sad, stressed, board, frustrated, etc. – I am going to smile.  No matter how forced it feels. 

I started this on 1^st January, and have already seen and felt results. I woke up this morning upbeat and content. More so than I have felt in a long time. When I started to feel sad about a particular matter, I forced a smile and my worries started to seem less overbearing.  So in short, the results are almost instantaneous. I will see if this continues over time, but I have resolved to smile every second I can remember to.

In another study I read it said that your face, as you age, tells the type of life you had. If you were a grumpy person, your wrinkles show that – hence the grumpy old man face. Conversely, if you are always smiling, your wrinkles magnify what a great and happy person you are. I want smiling wrinkles, and not frowning ones. So by taking this approach, I’m hoping to imprint my happiness on my face.

Step 2: Walk

Anyone that knows me knows that I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. I have tried diets, exercising, meditation, etc. – you name it, I have tried it. I recently started jogging 3-4 times a week (for about a month and a half), trying to eat healthier, drink more water, etc. However, with all the work I didn’t see any results. So in this year, instead of trying things that don’t work, giving up after exhaustion and moving on to something new, I have decided that I want to walk more. Walk to work, to the market, to the train, etc. I am thinking by walking every day, I can not only improve my cardiovascular health, but also make exercise a lasting part of my routine.  I plan to start this by walking to and from work every day (it’s about a 50 minute walk each way); unless it is raining hard of course.

I figure walking will provide two benefits: First and foremost, it will give me good cardio exercise; especially in the humid tropical climate with many steep hills. Secondly, it will also give me time to examine my thoughts, calm down before I reach home, and meditate on life.

Let’s see if smiling and walking can improve my life – and make this year the best one yet! I’m hoping for it – but will smile no matter what the outcome is.

Searching for Self

Finding my inner beauty

Looking deep inside

Peeling away the outer layers

Experience, virtue, pride

Learning to love self

Shedding need for other

Building a strong foundation

Without family, friends or lover

Realizing judgment day

Accountability all alone

Must improve own self

Need myself to be my home

The choice must be made

Path laden with much difficulty

Avoidance leads to stagnation

Persistence may grow tranquility

The Whale

A whale beached upon the shore
Eyes wide with fear, mind lost in confusion
A choice – acted upon brought him here
But now present – regret sits in

A scientist comes upon the scene
Her whole life waiting for this moment
Drawing on experience, she tries to control
Hoping her effort will make the difference

Buckets are filled to drench the whale
Easing the pain of the magnifying sun
Food is furnished – the whale’s favorite fish
Food is comforting – to her it seems

But no matter how much she tries and tries
The whale’s anguish grows and grows
Stuck – just stuck – with no way to move
More effort from her does not equal results

She doesn’t want the whale to die
Not mind, not body, not soul
The thought pains her more than he is aware
Her life dedicated to his conservation

Both on the beach – emotions are high
Fear, pain and loss of what to do
Frozen in time, but inextricably linked
Just praying for the tide to come in